A Conversation with Amanda Shea
Photo courtesy of Amanda Shea
FERRER: Could you tell me a bit about yourself and how you discovered spoken word?
SHEA: I've been writing ever since we called it diaries. They weren't called journals yet. We weren't that progressive…I'm kind of aging myself. I really want to say I started writing full force around eight years old. I've always really enjoyed penmanship. I really just fell in love with books, writing, recreating songs that I would hear and [change] to match what my 8-9 year old self was feeling at that time, which was a whole bunch of stuff, but I'm sure not that serious. I feel like writing for me didn't necessarily turn into poetry right away. Initially, it was just me tracking my feelings, like if I was mad at my mom, or my dad or my brother, you know, just day to day things until I started listening to music. That was a way for me and my dad to bond- music and movies. And I think once I started realizing I could rewrite lyrics, was when I would start trying to rhyme. So I think poetry and songwriting kind of came hand in hand because I was always a rhyming person back then.
FERRER: What is your creative process? Do you have the medium that you want your story to be told in mind beforehand or do you find that along the way?
SHEA: Oh, that's a really good question. With poetry, I feel like it depends. When I'm writing for myself, nine times out of 10, it's more like a spiritual download. Like a connection to spirit. It's really not me writing it. I don't even know how to describe it. Sometimes it feels like a bright light being beamed down into my brain and into my body. Sometimes I don't really recall writing it and then when I read it back after I'm done, I'm like, “Holy shit, I wrote that.” Moments like that are always precious to me. Other times, a company or an institution will reach out and say, “Hey, this is a theme, this is a concept, write to it.” So those moments, where it's more so me just trying to understand what is being asked [of me] and how I can add color to it and also [if] I ‘m making sure my message and how I interpret a theme is coming through. I don't know, because film is a different beast. It’s more interweaving other people's stories within the fabric of history of Boston. That's hard. You know, but it also wasn't. I'm connected to Boston so much. So I know what I think is important to tell. At the same time, these are not my stories. So it's like, how do I do due diligence to their story without also trying to make it seem like it's my story? Does that make sense? So like, it's hard. I think, the ways in which I approach anything I'm doing is really like, how am I feeling? And how does this connect to me first, and then I kind of go from there.
FERRER: That all sounds amazing. Could you speak a bit more to that documentary?
SHEA: The name is BLACK. Narratives in Boston Black Queer and Trans History. It is basically a documentary that outlines 1960s to 2020; the history of our LGBTQIA community and Boston. It's broken down through a lot of different POVs of elders in the community, people within the community and all different sectors of business and industry that you can think of, whether it be arts and culture, education, politics, healing, therapy, all of the things. It's so beautiful, and I think it really encapsulates what Boston, how Boston is truly is. It tells such a beautiful story of each member in the community while also being able to amplify all of our stories. It's very representative of everybody here.
FERRER: Going off of that, what does intersectionality mean for you? And how do those identities inform your work?
SHEA: I think, for me, everything is intersectional. When you look at things, when you look at the world through that lens, it also gives you a better appreciation of everything. For instance, you know, when we talk about identity, being black, being queer, being a woman is a compounded identity. Yeah, those are hard individually within themselves, but then when you put them all together, it can be very challenging. I think that you know, as somebody who not only identifies as Cape Verdean, Puerto Rican, West Indian, and Portuguese, I think it's important to tell our stories through the lens of in which we experience it. Also, the archival journalism that comes with being an artist… Like the great Nina Simone says, it is our duty as artists to reflect the times in which we live in and I think that is in and of itself as important. Everybody has a story to tell and it's inspiring to hear these stories and be able to take away from people's hardships and their perseverance and how they've overcome. [They’ll] be able to tell you, it may not be a victorious story at the end and have the best of endings, but it always ends with lessons and understanding of acceptance of self. And that is the key. By telling our stories, we allow people to be authentically them.
FERRER: I actually shared your work with the class because I wanted to make sure before I interviewed you to see there were any questions they thought I should ask. In your Resilience video, there is a smoke ritual in the beginning, which serves as a healing process in many different cultures and religions. What was the thought process behind including that?
SHEA: I think it's important to show who you are as a person, as an artist, as a creative. In the beginning of my career, I wasn't always so open. I still am very private about my interpersonal relationships in my life, like my kids. At the same time, I think it's important to tell the stories of what I've been through, and also the practices of which I've learned and picked up. I am very much a spiritual person. And throughout my journey, I've been a child of the church, and different churches; Christianity and Catholicism. So I've been indoctrinated to always understand that there was a higher power. And I think as I walked through this life and being introduced to Buddhism, which, I think for me, it resonated more with who I am as a person, and how I want to honor not only my ancestors, but the God that I serve. So for me, it was important to show that we're cleansing each other, that we are clearing the space with sage, that it is a ritual. We are about to do something that's very sacred, something that means something to all of us. And each of those women that are depicted in the video are very resilient women, and showing that camaraderie and that sisterhood within that tribe of being strong and being Black.
FERRER: And what about the dance and movement aspect to it? What made you feel that was the right art form to include?
SHEA: Well, Chiara is the dancer and she's just absolutely gorgeous. That's my friend friend. I've always admired the ways in which she can just embody what I'm trying to get across. And movement is so important. That's also a part of ritual healing and healing in general: utilizing dance and moving your body [to] move things out to release. Because pain and trauma do get stuck in the body, so [they] need to go somewhere. And if we're not channeling that in any other way, movement is definitely one of the ways to do so. So, I wanted to highlight that, but also infuse different mediums. I think, for me, one of my goals as a poet is to break barriers of what poetry can look like. What spoken word is, necessarily. When most people hear spoken word or poetry, they think “To the left of the Sun is the moon in the stars.” And it's very archaic way of thinking of it, like Shakespearean, almost. Also through acapella art, like just a poet up on stage with just a mic or just their voice. And even though that is the origins of it, it can evolve into different things. And that's what I'm trying to show when you're seeing Resilience. One, it's different mediums were using film video to show you the audio of my voice. If you notice, I'm not in the in the video. I'm showing images of what I think resilience looks like through synchronicity of the sisterhood, but also through dance. There's just little elements of this, this, this and this. It's cohesive, and it makes sense. Even Ari is in that video, and she's pregnant, she's carrying life, you know?
FERRER: Yeah, there's so many different layers to it, like you said, without it being so cut and dry, like, this is what you should notice. It's very cohesive and my class really enjoyed that.
SHEA: I love layers. I think of everything like that... I'm an over analyzer, I'm also an Aquarius. So I feel like, you know, I need to stay the course. I feel like I'm constantly intrigued by things. So if I'm always interested in watching the same thing over and over and dissecting it, it won me over, because it's allowing me to consume it in different ways- to think, to breathe, to hold, to release, to process - I think that's beautiful. So in everything I do, I try to add layers. It's not just one thing. And I'm also not going to spell it out for everybody either.
FERRER: The body is a very common theme throughout your work. I also showed my class, your visual poem, “The Origin” and how you had stuff painted on your back. I would love to hear how the body plays a role in your work and just what it means to you.
SHEA: How much time do we have? The body. I mean, this is our temple. Everything goes through here. This is what we're given in this realm for this moment, for as long as we have and I think it's important to feel comfortable in oneself. I still struggle with being 1,000% comfortable with me, I still have insecurities, I still cringe at watching certain videos of me or seeing pictures of me. I know that that's rooted in-I know where that comes from. And I'm really diligently trying to work through it. But I think for me, telling people that outwardly is also a part of the healing process. Because I know people suffer from a lot of different, and I don't like calling them disorders, but that's what society has labeled them. Bulimia, anorexia, body dysmorphia, which I feel like I suffer from every single day. I don't like getting dressed. I sometimes get really, really anxious about getting dressed. It's weird. It depends on what my mood is, how I'm feeling what my body looks like, for the day. And I think it's necessary to tell people that like, I don't think I'm perfect, and I don't think there's anything wrong with saying that out loud either. You know, and again, when it comes to movement and it comes to trauma, it stays in the body. And as human beings we go through a lot of different experiences and I think “Body” was more so me saying, “Look at all the things that this body has been through.” I was also a gymnast, and playing sports is a different type of conditioning, especially when it comes to mental inks and body image that comes up, especially in gymnastics, where you need to be thin and making sure you don't go overweight.
SHEA (CONT.D): For me, I was always my own competition and still am, you know. I've always thought like that. I need to be the best me or better than myself every single day in everything. I never looked at other people as competition. And I think sometimes that's a beautiful thing. It's a blessing, that I look at the world like that, because it allows me to not feel in competition with other people. But at the same time, I think that it's kind of a burden, because I put so much pressure on myself. [It] came from that type of upbringing with that type of sport, where it's almost like, ingrained. That's hard to move out of, as women especially, where I feel like we're constantly in a society that judges us. You know, how pretty we are, how slim we are, how hourglass shaped we are, how perfect our teeth are, how asymmetrical our hair falls. It's really ridiculous. So I wanted to put that out. For people to know, like, I've had children- it was just basically a synopsis of what I've went through. Also it was based on getting really bad news about my neck and having a disability and reflecting on how many years I've been in this body and what it's gone through, and now I'm hearing that I may need to have surgery, it's a very scary thing.
FERRER: And going off of that, how do you cope with a lot of your work being about vulnerable topics? Is there any self-care that you do? Or do you feel like your work is part of that self-care and healing?
SHEA: I definitely believe that my art is my healing, it is my therapy, it acts as my therapist, and also can help other people heal when they hear it out loud. I don't think we necessarily think about these topics on the top of our heads every day, because we're so preoccupied with just the regular, mundane things we have to do as humans to function. So I think it's a beautiful healing mechanism, as well as like, again, rituals: going in front of my altar and paying homage to my ancestors and giving offerings and blessings to my altar and lighting candles and saying prayers for them in offering money and in meals and food and things in real time. Because one, I understand that like God, [my] ancestors and spirit guides are guiding me on this journey. And at the same time, it's also self-care for me to always stay humble, remember where I came from, and that this isn't just about me, it's about everybody. It's about the people who came before me that fought for me to be able to even have a voice, to be able to be seen, to be able to walk freely through the streets. But then it's also for people who are coming up after me. What legacy am I leaving for them to be able to have the opportunities that I've had and beyond? And that's, for me, the most important thing for balance. It's understanding that we are ripples in a bigger pond, and how we reflect on ourselves is how we reflect onto the world.
FERRER: You said that sometimes you look back at your old videos or work and you cringe. Has there been any piece that you kind of revisited after some time and found new meaning within it?
SHEA: “Entangled.” I wrote a poem about feeling stuck in marriage. And at the time, I really felt like that. But when my husband passed away, I did hear the poem again and just didn't feel like that. I just had a different perspective of what that felt like. And I think, even at the time of writing it, it wasn't just me telling my story of how I felt stuck in my marriage, but also other women who are forced to get married and women who don't have a choice to even have a say of who their partner is or being stuck in marriage based on abuse or because financially they can't get out or whatever have you. So I felt like it was for me, but it was also for women who felt like me. And as much of a burden as I felt like it was, was as much as it turned into a blessing. Later on, if that makes sense, when he transitioned, and I was still married, still, his wife- we didn't get a divorce. I was glad that I was still able to be his wife and still be able to have a say over what his last moment on this Earth was and how we celebrated him looked like.
FERRER: And is there a work that you're personally the most proud of or that you felt had like a really big impact?
SHEA: Honestly, it's really hard to answer that question. Because I've been traveling for the last six years doing this and I feel like different people tell me different work resonates. So for me, I feel like that each piece is its own living, breathing piece. And it's gonna resonate with who they need to it needs to resonate with- or not. I think I'm just proud in general, to be able to keep having the the ability to do this, the wherewithal to do this, the privilege to do this. I think that within and of itself in the courage and the bravery to keep going, because this is a very hard industry, where you're constantly having to look at yourself through the eyes of other people. And sometimes you forget what you look like, in the mirror, because you're seeing everybody else.
SHEA (CONT.D): So with that, it's an everyday thing. I think it's an every day, like, what did we say earlier, you know, it's a day by day, step by step process. And this, it really, truly is. Because you can go from riding really, really high and then just not book anything, or just not move anywhere, or you could, you know, go through really personal things in your life that make you have to stop. There are some moments where you feel that you want to quit, and you want to give up because the shit is hard, and who wants to keep spending money to make money. But at the end of the day, it's like, for me, there is no other option. So that's why I think I stay very active. And again, that's why I said everything intersects, I stay active in art in general, I'm not just a poet, I'm not just a spoken word artist. I'm an author, I'm a teacher, I'm a host, I'm a curator, I'm a producer, I am a radio show host I am all of the things when it comes to art that I can possibly. Because I know at any point in time, I might be like, “Ah, I don't want to travel anymore. What else can I do? I don't want to leave this field. ” So I'm just trying to soak up every single thing that I possibly can. I feel like, again, they all intersect...And also not putting yourself in a box and not allowing other people to put you in a box. People have told me several times “I go to your page, and I don't know what you do.” And I'm like, “I do it all. And if you were paying attention, you would catch that. But if you think I should stay just as a poet, like that's not gonna happen. That's not just my love.” You know? It's all of it.
FERRER: You briefly mentioned that you're a host. I saw that you host poetry workshops for the youth and things like that. So what does it mean for you to create spaces or using your platform for to create safe spaces like that?
SHEA: I think two reasons. I think, creating using your platform, it doesn't even matter what size of platform that you have, I think we should always be utilizing it in ways in which that we support and have things that we really stand on. For me. It's always advocacy, equity, justice, fairness, all the time. So for me, using the platform in those ways- it's not work. In a sense, it's just like, making sure that these people have voices. And that goes for adult artists that I know as well as youth artists. I think it's even more important for us to be doing it with the younger generation, because they're the ones who are coming up after us. And if we don't provide them space and platforms, especially when you're a teacher, and you're teaching these principles, and teaching them to write through their experiences and use it as therapy, and they want to share it, so where are they going to share it?
FERRER: And I just have one last question. Thank you so much for speaking with me again. But what do you hope the people who consume your content leave with?
SHEA: That nothing is impossible. If you put your mind to anything, you can literally do anything. Manifestation starts with visualization. You need to visualize, speak really well to yourself. You know, self talk is really important. If I walked around every day and said, “Yeah, I can't do this, I can't do that. I can't do this, I can't do that.” I wouldn't be able to do it. Every day I wake up and I say to myself, “This is gonna be busy, but I'm gonna get through it and I'm going to everything is going to be fine. Everything's going to work out” And nine times out of 10, it does. And also learning how to control your emotions and how you react to certain things when they're happening. Life doesn't happen to you, it happens for you. So it really starts with you. I left another interview earlier and I said this quote and I'm gonna say it again because Trey Andre is just magnificent. Andre [from the documentary] has a quote where he says, “We stand on the shoulders of our ancestors, while also standing on their graves.” And, for me again, once I heard that it's something I take with me every single place that I go, and I just keep rooted even in the hardships and even in the difficulties of the day, or drama or trauma, or whatever it is. I'm always like, my ancestors had to endure worse. And I don't want the future generation to endure what I'm enduring. So I gotta keep pushing through.
